Kobe Bryant Dies; Vows To Return Before All-Star Break
LOS ANGELES - After suffering yet another blow to their playoff hopes this season, the Lakers lost star shooting guard Kobe Bryant as he passed away suddenly last night. What would seemingly be a career-ending situation for most players, Bryant has vowed a return to his Hall of Fame self by the All-Star break in February.
“We’re going to attack this and I’m confident I can be the dominant player I always have been.” Bryant’s attorney said, reading from a will.
“We’re looking at people to come back from a similar thing. We reached out to Jesus Christ’s trainer to see what he did to make him so successful. I know people out there are going to doubt me, saying that I can’t overcome death, but that only makes me work harder. Only stokes the fire even more. I’m up to the challenge.”
At press time, Bryant himself could not be reached for comment, but his Twitter account posted the following: #DeadButNotDone
by Drew Michael
Paul Tree Bane Walker
His new film Dead and Furious: Santa Clarita Drift was his toughest role to date. He had to race a tree. While he was researching the role he got into it with a tree and in a tragic turn of events the tree murdered him. Sad.
Batkid, at first glance I thought wow that’s cool. However now after having some time to ponder I think wow that’s pretty fucked up. Here is a kid about to die from a disease that has made his life nothing but a series of disappointing and miserable moments. His time on this earth as a living conscious being is greatly reduced in its capacity in relative comparison to the rest of the humans on average. And now you have this group who puts together this tremendous effort to supply the child with a happiness unmeasurable in stark contrast to his abnormally short existence. In essence what they have done is say, “Here kid this is the kind of level of happiness possible for those of us who live average life spans on this blue space rock. This is but a taste of what you will miss out on because in a brief time you will cease to exist. This is as good as it gets FOR YOU. We of course will experience joy and tragedy, love and loss, a wealth of experiences on this plane of existence before we return to the nothing in from which we came. But not you, nope this is it.” A cruel gesture indeed. It would have been far more compassionate to fly him to some far off third world shit hole and say look this is life. Truly you are blessed that you need not endure this long drawn out suffering. No, sir you are perhaps the luckiest of us all. And then send him on his way.
I really should be in charge of make a wish foundation I think I could truly help.
Learn to deal.
There are far greater issues/challenges in the world then a torn achilles. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, find the silver lining and get to work with the same belief, same drive and same conviction as ever.
One day, the beginning of a new career journey will commence. Today is NOT that day.
“If you see me in a fight with a bear, prey for the bear”. Ive always loved that quote. Thats “mamba mentality” we don’t quit, we don’t cower, we don’t run. We endure and conquer.
Here is where spelling is everything. “Prey for the bear” yup I believe you.
Announcing that you will pray for Boston shows the same amount of effort as me announcing that I will eat a hot dog and jump on the ps3 for Boston. If you genuinely want to help donate a couple bucks or blood. You know as in REAL help, not some half assed effort by muttering a few words to a magical sky wizard.
Go fuck yourselves.
Hey what do you do if you are a mediocre player in the NFL who desperately seeks attention in fact so much so that you need more attention than the team you play for. Hmm…. Now how would you go about that? Oh yeah, come out to the world so that all attention is focused squarely on you AND big plus you’ll get heralded as a brave hero.
How about instead you just focus on doing your job well otherwise go fuck yourself.
I hate when companies brag about joining the fight against autism. BULLSHIT. I on the other hand HAVE been fighting. Just 2 days ago I kicked the shit out of some autistic kid named Warren. Your move corporations.
Ehhhh, I have to be honest. That really doesn’t provide me with sufficient motivation to drop in. Let me take a wild stab in the dark, they are about to launch their new lemon party chicken and blue waffle campaign.
JJ Abrams is set to ruin Star Wars. Wonderful!
He never really got what Star Trek was about at least in the first movie and I’m sure the new one will be more of the same.
QUICK WE’RE GOING TO NEED A FUCK LOAD OF LENS FLARES!
If you look at everything he’s done that was successful he had Lindelof, Orci, and Kurtzman along with him doing the writing ie… avengers, star trek, lost, prometheus, mission impossible et. However on his own he makes shit like cowboys & aliens, super 8, and cloverfield. And he doesn’t have the geese with the golden eggs now so expect it to suck.
I have to say Notre Dame and Mati T’eo are genius. Everyone is talking about the stupid gf hoax and everyone has neglected the actual REAL female who is dead after failing to get the university take her accusations of sexual assault at the hands of a Notre Dame football player. Only one of these girls were real and only one is really dead.
Shame on the pathetic journalists and news agencies who jump on the chance to report bullshit without due diligence to investigate what is actually going on.
Kudos to Slate for putting this story out.